Synopsis: Freddy stops a few miles out before reaching his destination while reflecting over the conversation that he and Black Adam has. Which brings him to a bit of an epiphany.
My destination was in my sights, yet the closer it became the slower I became until I found myself landing miles away. Yet, I could go no further. During my conversation with Black Adam I considered all that had been shared with me. It had not gone unnoticed that he began to refer to me Black Freeman. I chose not to respond, because what would I say? What could I say? There are times to speak and times to listen and though we both chose our words as carefully as we could there were things to learn, things to be taught, things to remember.
I was here because of the Trials and though he pressed me on the matter cutting through every other reason to bring me to where I needed to be I considered was he right? Was he wrong? Was I right? Was I wrong? To some of it I could say yes. To some of it I could say no. I could become frustrated and reject his notions, but I chose not to, because no matter what all may say there is something to learn from someone who has done this all before.
I suppose that I am stubborn when it comes to many matters, but is it a matter of refusal or a matter of acceptance or perhaps a combination of the two? The fact that I refuse to accept things as they are not, because they are not that, but because I cannot accept a world when I will not and cannot try. There are many obstacles that are set upon my path and to merely allow them to be deterrent would do a me and all that have come before me a great disservice.
Hope is not enough, one must be willing to act, but when one acts without hope what remains? Do I accept what Adam says as truth yes, but truth is subjective. One can use it as a sword, a shield, or club if they choose to, but they can also use it as a beacon, a guiding star. It is a fact that I am here because of the trials. I was told that they are almost at an end so hear I am but is that they only reason why I stand here…I stand here.
I am here to see this to the end, but my path that I travel is not so narrow that I am unaware of what happens around me, because of me. The Trials are meant to test me as much as they are meant to prove to the powers that be that I am worthy, but does that mean that I ignore all that has happened?
From New York to Fawcett City to Metropolis to Coast City and now to Kahndaq, does it mean that all of this has been a simple means to an end? Every step I have taken has taught me something I did not know about the world and about myself. It is shown me the man I aspire to be, the man I need to be, but not every lesson is taught in a vacuum. There are triumphs and defeats, victories and losses. Sometimes a combination of the two. Nothing is given freely.
Why do I seek the Wizard? Am I angry with him? For everything that has come to pass? Am I angry with myself for thinking setting myself upon this path? Am I angry with Adam for the things that he had said. For telling me that I must accept that which I have wrought? The seeds I have sown have yielded fruit of a most dangerous kind.
I have soared and stumbled, sometimes alone, sometimes together with others. Am I afraid? Yes. Am I afraid? No. I chose this. I.Chose.This. There was no accident. There was no gun to my head, no knife at my back. I chose this. Am I afraid? Yes. Am I afraid? No. Fear lies within but fear only triumphs when I do nothing. When I let it consume me. When I allow Adam’s words to shape me into something I am not.
Do I hate him. No. There are things I must here, because to hear them, to know them is to understand them. Understand that each step I take towards the end will mean many things. Good things, bad things, all things. All things that I must be, no matter come what may. I.Chose.This. Good. Bad. Ugly. I chose to be their champion. To prove my worth. To accept the consequences, all of them.
Yet, no matter what I still have a choice. In the end I am Freddy Freemen underneath it all. There are so many ways that this could have come together. So many things that could have been done. Six patrons, six Lords of Magic could make the impossible possible, yet they needed a connection someone to channel what gifts they would into.
That means I get a say in this. They chose this. They live with the consequences and I will live with mine. I live with mine, because that is what is necessary to keep moving forward. If I didn’t I would retreat and lose myself to the guilt. Guilt that would be to terrible to bear. I bear it, because it reminds me why I must keep stepping forward, why I must accept that there are better ways. That there are always possibilities.
I do not shield myself from what has happen. I do not deny the part I have played in setting this in motion. Whether or not another could have stood in my place does not matter. I stand here. I chose to be here. I.Chose.This.
My eyes look in the distance where dark smoke rises. Shutting my eyes, I focus on what I can hear. What I can smile. I think about the bodies that I came across and the fear in the eyes of people of Kahndaq. The sounds of screams of the citizens of Metropolis and Fawcett City. The voices of the children of Fawcett. The sound of Callaghan’s voice before he was taken from this world.
I. Chose. This.
My choices have consequences. How people see me I cannot control, but I cannot deny the part I have played yesterday or today or the part I have to play tomorrow. This is my burden to bear. “My burden to bear.” I say softly before turning towards the west my eyes casting up to the sky then towards the mountains once again. The Wizard awaits, but as I stand there thinking about the words I spoke and mt thoughts my mind flashes to what Adam said. This is happening because of me. This is my fault. My eyes slid shut as I let out a long breath.
There was a lesson to be learned there, but even more there was something to consider. Someone to consider.
To stare upon what my actions of have created. It should bring me to my knees. I should want it to stop, but…” I chose this.”
I draw in another breath letting my mind reach that place where my thoughts settle, and I bring myself down from an emotional high. Not because I feel sad or unhappy, but more that I feel don’t know how to explain it.
“I know you’re there. You’re always there whispering, but you are remarkably silent. Adam said you would, be that you would not refute his words, and perhaps that is part of it, but another part is that there is aid you can render and things you cannot say. As always there are things that I must understand for myself without your aid. Decisions that I and I alone must make. Good or bad. My choices. My fate. My repercussions. I must be able to withstand the weight of them all, endure them. If I cannot bear my own choices, face them, accept them how can I expect to bear all that is to come. Personal responsibility must be assumed. It cannot be deflected. It must be embraced and you must soldier on but it doesn’t mean that it does not affect you. How you allow you to affect you is just as important as being able to bear it, to acknowledge it.”
Wetting my lips, I take a step towards the mountain, but I don’t touch off instead I let my mind continue to clear nodding to myself as I consider my words carefully. I expect no answer. I have no question only a thought and idea.
“I won’t say that this is historically correct as stories take on a life on their own when passed from one person to another, but what I do know is before the time of the Olympians, their predecessors before them the Titans ruled in their stead. Much is always said about Zeus and how he was able to escape the fate of his siblings due to Rhea’s decision to feed his father a stone wrapped in cloth. “ I pause for a second.
“It was Zeus that helped his siblings escape with aid of a drug for a lack of a better of word that caused Cronus to regurgitate the children he consumed in an effort to prevent his own eventual downfall and defeat.“ I would not get into the self-fulfilling prophecy, because that is not the point of my words.
“Cronos defeat was not the end for a ten-year war was raged between his progeny and the remaining old gods, the Titans. For ten years war raged between children of Cronos and Rhea and the Titans upon the fields of Thessaly they say. This conflict was called the Titanomachy. The Titans waged war from Mount Othrys while gods to be fought from Mount Olympus.”
My fall upon the sands, sands that in various areas of in the country were stained with blood barely covering the bodies of fallen people. “Zeus and the new generation of gods prevailed along with their allies. While important it is not my focus. My focus is on one of the defeated. One of the leaders of the great Titan army, not the doomed might Monetius, but his brother Titan of endurance and astronomy, Atlas.”
My eyes move towards the sky once again.
“His brother defeated, struck by one of Zeus’s thunderbolts, and cast down into the underworld, to Tartarus, Atlas was defeated, but he was not struck dead by a thunderbolt, no instead he was given penance. Some to shoulder the world, but it was actually to shoulder the celestial heavens upon his shoulders to prevent it from crashing down upon the earth. Truth they did not need to, but how else would you punish an enemy?” It brings several thoughts to mind, but I do not linger on that instead I focus on Atlas.
“He was forced to endure the weight of the heavens upon his shoulders and though there have been stories of him attempting to remove himself from this situation, he did it without fail save time when Hercules needed his aid, but it brings me to this thought. If I cannot bear my choices how can I accept the gifts of one who was made to bear the weight of the heavens upon him? The death that has come into my life. The war that is being waged. The harm that came to children Fawcett, all over the world that has occurred because of a choice I made cannot be denied. It might be endured. It must not be in vain. Whether it is the weight of the world or the heavens, I must bear the weight of the world I help create and the one I live in and if that means that I must move forward and continue with the Trials then I do so freely knowing that my actions will have consequences that I must always face. There is no turning away. But know this hope will never be a stranger or enemy, because that is who I am. It is an ally.” Pushing off the ground resuming my journey to the Wizard.